Today we have this fantastic post all about dealing with them from the lovely Passports and Adventures
5 top tips for dealing with toddler tantrums.
Unfortunately, tantrums are part and parcel of having
children. You show me one child that hasn’t had a few in their little lives.
Even the best-behaved children have them from time to time and we, as parents,
have to accept this fact.
I have had to deal with many, from low-range tantrums
because our son wanted to close the dishwasher to a full on screaming meltdown
because I dared to put his post-nursery snack on the wrong plate. How was I
supposed to know he wanted his Mickey Mouse plate instead of Thomas the Tank
Engine?
I have a few tips for dealing with toddler tantrums. Some
may work, some may not, but these are the ones I employ when our son goes off
on one.
1. Distract
them. There are certain situations at home when I know a tantrum could
manifest itself and during these times I do my best to distract our son, so it doesn’t happen. For instance, if I switch off the TV
before bedtime I always have something else to do in reserve, so he will
hopefully not notice it going off such as getting his George teddy bear and his
dummy ready, when he had one. Distraction can also work during minor tantrums. Our
son often helps me unload the washing machine but once the clothes are hung
he’ll often want to put them back in. If I say no, he might kick off, so I ask
him to help me with something else. If Mr. Independent thinks there is
something else he can ‘help with’ the tantrum usually dissipates.
2. Talk to
them. This can either be used to distract them or to try find out what it
is they want or what is upsetting them. Sometimes our son gets a thought in his
head and if he can’t do it/find it he kicks off. He also sometimes gets
frustrated that he cannot relay what it is he wants, and this can sometimes set
him off. I find if I get down to his level, hold his hands, make eye contact
and speak to him calmly, he’ll try his best to tell me what it is he wants. It
often turns out to be a toy he put down in the morning that he suddenly
remembers and wants again. Also, gently talking to them during a tantrum such
as “I know you are tired, I’m sorry we were out so long” can help calm them
down if you remain calm and talk to them in a gentle voice. We don’t give
toddlers enough credit for understanding more than they can say.
3. Avoid
situations where they can arise. This may not always be possible and
continuing from my first point there are things I avoid to prevent tantrums. I
don’t eat or drink anything in front of our son that I don’t want him having,
such as chocolate. This might sound mean, but sugar has a big effect on him. I
don’t force him to eat when he doesn’t want to, and I let him decide if he’s
had enough at meal times. I try to let him choose his own bedtime stories to
avoid tantrums then. I also try to make the minimal fuss before bedtime,
sticking to our routine as much as possible. Little things like this have
helped me avoid some tantrums, some but not all.
4. Let them
have the tantrum. Sometimes you just have to let them get on with it. We must
remember that toddlers don’t yet understand their emotions, let alone know how
best to deal with them and sometimes you just have to let them get it out of
their system. We all know the benefits of having a good cry and the same can be
said of toddlers. If we get to this stage I do one of three things. A. Walk away from our son. B. Stay silent but in
the same room. C. Sit silently near him if he’ll let me. Once he’s calmed down
he’ll usually come in for a cuddle, and it never lasts more than a few minutes.
5. Mimic them.
This is either used as a last resort in our house or if the tantrum is a mini
one. Copying him sometimes shocks him into silence with the confusion of what
mum is doing. But be warned, this can have the opposite effect so use it wisely
and sparingly. When it works in a positive effect we usually end up laughing
together and the tantrum is gone and forgotten about.
These are by no means the only ways of dealing with toddler
tantrums but are the ones I’ve used to try to avoid or stop them in their tracks.
I’ve used them since our son was one and a few are still valid even today, aged
4. These have worked best for us between the ages of 18 months and 3 years old.
I’ve found as he gets older, talking to him and getting down to his level have
been most effective, as has distracting him. And although the tantrums continue
today, they are much fewer and far between than in previous years as we can
communicate with one another better. I doubt they’ll ever fully stop as the
pre-teen and teenage years are yet to come.
Thank you for this brilliant post! I will definitely be trying some of these out on Freddie! Most of his tantrums are normally about James going to school!!
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